Story Draft 3

Script is finally done. It’s taken its time but up until today I was having trouble making the dialogue sound “believable” and that was slowing me down. As I have said before I’ve omitted the Bar Scene now, but this wasn’t the case when I started writing so this is going in believing we have set up Nick and Ford and what they are after, something I will take into account after I have feedback from my teacher and other people; I want to use this site as well called Amazon Studios, they take scripts and give feedback from both staff at the company and in the general public but after reading the guidelines it says it should be between 80 or so and 100 pages long soooo….nope, but it is still something I might come back too.

This script is massive, a single page is meant to equal an single minute of footage and mine is at 10, and this is without even the Bar Scene. I’m going to be whittling this down over the week, especially as this weekend I don’t have work, this will be done in tandem with my first storyboard going through the scenes from a camera perspective.

Anyway here it is:

Script Draft #2

(This isn’t the original, I have gone through, make spell checks and changes to some small text as well as made notes of important facts. At the start it lists colour coding, this isn’t done but will be after some feedback, so maybe the next post.)

Script – Revised Version

Possible Extras

  • I need to address who these characters are; the antagonist is the main focus of their dialogue and is properly explained to the viewer at various fazes, at least that’s what I am hoping to find out. Nick and Ford though aren’t, not even their names are bought across the viewer. There are a lot of ways I already know how to improve this without being to obvious to the viewer;
    • Name badges – they’re detectives, they would have some form of ID.
    • A simple call out at least a few times in a way that’s organic.
  • Phil suggested a video I should that relates to my idea. Its from the TV show The Wire following two detectives who go through a crime scene; they barely say anything except swear as they go about working the case that’s apparently 6 months old in what amounts to a couple minutes. It’s interesting because even though it’s just swearing you can kinda get what they are getting at. Also there is the clever use of exposition that helps you to understand whats happening.


In-text: (YouTube, 2017)

Your Bibliography: YouTube. (2017). The Wire – Fuck Fuck Fuck. [online] Available at:–o [Accessed 6 Feb. 2017].

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